why do anything in this meaningless life?
this was the internal conflict i had in me for a very long time.
i was a very ambitious kid. when i played tennis, i wanted to be the best player out there. when i took my formal education seriously for a brief period, i topped the board. when i read a book about great men and women, they feel like kin. but because of a series of wrong choices, i lost the ambition to do anything, and everything looked meaningless.
i became nihilistic, and oh boy, was it seductive. there is an illusion of intelligence, but it sucks the intensity and energy out of everything you do. most importantly, makes you unkind.
looking back, it all stemmed from fear of public failure, an upbringing where sheev was supposed to be this perfect child who knows it all, and my growing consciousness about mortality.
with a turn of events and lot of luck, i broke these beliefs, which helped me overcome nihilism.
i failed publicly with a startup. i accidentally worked with people who gave critical feedback to show me the limitations of my knowledge. and i started using death as a motivator to take action.
at the risk of coming across as preachy, find out what makes you nihilistic. quite often, your intellect is fooling you. most likely, you have other deep-rooted beliefs that are stopping you from doing your life's work. take these beliefs and do everything you can to break them. what comes after feels like play.
as with play, you're not worried about the outcome. like a kid who lost a game but still goes with the same vigor the next day, he enjoys the process. he forms a detached hypothesis about why he failed, tests it out, obtains new information, reconciles the information, and sharpens his game.
seek play in this meaningless life. approach all work as play, and whatever work can’t be, treat it as an investment for future play.